Sunday, February 12, 2012

You Might Be A Methodist If...

“You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s own people…” (1 Peter 2:9)

For the past five weeks we’ve been learning more about what it means to be a “Methodist Christian”… to live for and serve God through the lens of Wesleyan/Methodist Christianity. As we conclude our series “Christianity the Wesleyan Way,” I wanted to share something that Susan Bridge -- one of our church’s own “saints” – shared with me  several years ago before her passing.  It’s an amusing look at what contemporary United Methodism is from the viewpoint of the famous NPR radio personality Garrison Keillor.  According to him…

-Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.

-Methodists like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn, or a hymn with more than four stanzas.

-Methodists believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don’t notify them that they are there.

-Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.

-Methodists believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship programs or when collecting the offering.

-Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while during the worship greeting time.

-Methodists drink coffee as if it were a third Sacrament.

-Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall

-Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.

-Methodists still serve Jello in the proper liturgical color of the season, and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color

-Methodists believe that is it okay to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know you are a United Methodist when...

-It’s 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the worship service.

-You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can.

-Doughnuts are a line item in the church budget… just like coffee.

-When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say “May the Force be with you,” you respond with “and also with you”

-When it takes ten minutes to say good-bye!”

Based on his description, I’d say we have a lot of true “Keillor Methodists” around at East Cobb UMC! Seriously, though, despite our many “quirks,” I count it a joy and privilege to be a Methodist Christian, and I pray that this series has helped you not only appreciate your Wesleyan/Methodist heritage, but most importantly helped you become the very best Christian you can be!  Always remember that God loves you and I do, too!

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